paulawalawala

Well, back from my wedding road trip. It was a 7hr drive up overnight on Friday and we just got back about an hour ago. Wonderful wedding, too much food, lots of dancing and I had a wonderful time. It was a weekend away and I didn’t try going the whole wedding without eating anything and don’t feel any guilt… I stopped eating when I was full and enjoyed a piece of wedding cake. Something I have learned to do over this year… cake is for b-day parties and weddings… not for 3am snacking cause your upset….so yay for rich wedding food OK so now back to work and real life.

I bought these Sauna walking shorts by curves a while back and they came in just before I went away. They are basically made out of neoprene (wetsuit material) and you sweat like a pig when your wearing them. They are suppose to help shed weight in the area that they cover basically midsection to knee (can I get a body suit pleeeeeease ) I put them on to check the size and they really do make you sweat… without feeling hot, if that is possible. My legs are dripping sweat just from walking around the house in them. Has anyone else ever heard of these things?? Do they work or just make a cool swishing noise when you go out for a walk? I’m too pooped to walk tonight but tomorrow night I’m going back to nightly walks and I’ll give a better status report then. Just wondering if anyone else had any input. I know when my dad was training to race he would wear special layers to make himself sweat more in some areas of his body where he had to shed extra fat. If nothing else they will be good for detox LOL.

I’m afraid to step on the scale. I know if I don’t though I’ll convince myself that I’m ok and so that extra bit of something wont hurt… I’m so good at lying to myself

You know that point where you hear the voice… you all know the voice… the one that says “what are you wasting your time for”

“you know this is as far as you’ll ever get”

“you’ve lost nearly 40lbs!- what more do you want!”

” this is too hard for you”

” some people are just MEANT to be big”

Ya that B**ch! Well she entered my head yesterday… I’m ashamed to say as I was eating chocolate covered strawberries… dipped in whipping cream… Ugh! I’m so ashamed Well the last few months the weight has been coming off slower and this summer even left a gain… I have let the exercise slide and been eating more junk than I should but I know the real reason… and that is this is the weight where my body is comfortable. I have hovered around this point for most of my adult life and it is the point where it’s easiest for my body to self maintain… but it’s not MY happy point. It’s NOT the size I want to be and this is the part of the journey where it gets really tough. I have to break through that barrier that is the weight my body tries to revert to when I leave it to it’s own devices.And it’s been fighting back. My biggest enemy right now is fatigue. I was so jet lagged after my vacation and it’s been hard to shake the residue. I’m stressed and falling into the trap of not eating when I should… which only leads to eating like crazy when I shouldn’t. I have to inch my way to my next milestone, to that next weight goal that is only 9lbs away, and then to dip bellow 180 which will be a big fight with my body. Tonight I will go for a walk. I just wish my dog was more assertive in keeping me on track with that

I need someone to Kick my a**.

Wow! I looked back over my blog history and I have been gone from the site for a long time! This summer has just been crazy busy and that means not staying on track like I would have hoped. Hopefully with school starting next week I will at least fall into my mundane mommy routine and be guaranteed 2 walk a day Overall I didn’t do too bad this summer but I came back from vacation with 3lbs of excess baggage I’ve been in denial that it’s really happened and still part of me is wishing it were just water retention LOL oh well! Pick up- start over. I have kicked off this week with getting back to eating on plan and despite the fact that I have a wedding to go to this weekend, I hope to see the numbers drop by next week. One step at a time I know what I have to do and now it’s just a matter of bucking up and no more excuses!

Hey everyone! Well thank you to everyone for your great comments yesterday. I will have to try out some of those suggestions.

I decided to share 2 of my favorite breakfasts here with everyone. I have been buying the Presidents Choice Blue menu Multi-Grain Instant Oatmeal Available at Loblaws stores here in Canada. I’m sure plain instant oatmeal works well too but I use this brand because of the added nutrition and texture (I don’t really like slimy oatmeal)

 Apple Strudel oatmeal

1 pkg of oatmeal- prepared

1/2 cup of unsweetened apple sauce

1 Tbs walnuts

1 Tbs raisins

Banana Bread Oatmeal 

1pkg oatmeal- prepared

1 med banana- mushed

1 tsp Cocoa powder

1 Tbs nuts or Raisins (optional)

There are very yummy and filling on a cold morning. I know most of you are sweltering in a heat wave but here in Ontario it is unseasonably cool

Yummy healthy goodness

I am so tired lately… and I don’t know why. I bought some green food energy supplement but it’s not doing anything (I’ve been taking it for 2 weeks) I blame it on the weather, not drinking enough, allergies… I don’t know I have run out of excuses I’m ready to crash at 9pm and I have been skipping out on my walks some nights because of it.

Maybe it’s time for another bout of cleansing and a checkup on my diet. I need some ENERGY foods!

I wrote down my goals for the week on the forum and have done pretty bad at following them. Yesterday I blew all 3 and today I again skipped out on my walk. I also have this last assignment hanging over my head so I can be done my course… and can’t figure out why I’m so unmotivated. I’m great at starting things but as soon as they become routine I want to move on and have trouble sticking to it. I think the only reason my fitness plan has lasted 6 months is because I mix it up with the food. Even there I have been slacking a bit. I need to find a boost to get me going with the same drive I had back in November.  I know it’s only going to get harder to get things finished once summer hits and the kids are out of school.

*sigh*

OK… Goals for this week (or what’s left of it)

1) drink 100oz of water/day

2) Walk Every night

3) no eating after 8pm

4) finish my assignment so I can complete my course and get the gold star from the teacher

Hello all.

First of all I want to thank everyone for the continuous stream of booster notes since I went AWOL a couple of weeks back.  It was really uplifting to see so many people were thinking of me.

I’m not quite back from the blow but slowly starting to regain my footing. What happened? Well… My husband came home on Friday May 30th to tell me he didn’t have a job any more… Well it might not seam like the end of the world to most but in the past 6 yrs this is the 4th time this has happened. Now my husband is a smart educated man. He has a degree and his last job was in project management, supposedly the type of people who are in demand but he can’t seam to keep a job for more than 1 yr before where in financial crisis again. Over the years he has lost his job to:

1) a hostal takeover of the telivision company he worked for

2) self merger (whatever the heck that is)

3) Making the largest profit in company history, therefore implementing a “fit for the future” plan which involved laying off half the pharma company he was working for

4) and the latest and greatest… “thank you for training and streamligning the department and making it so efficient that we don’t need you here any more”!

Ya… I’m bitter. The first lay off was just after we were married and had our 2nd child (who was hospitalized for a heart condition) We lost all our savings for our house and have been forced to rent from the worst landlord in Ontario. Now after all the struggles I have scrimped saved and once my credit is fixed oh so close to buying my first house. I’m trying to go back to school and all this precariously balances on my poor hubbies shoulders. He represents 80% of our income and he has had to bear the burden of watching our dreams crumble more than once.

Well this all hasn’t had much to do with weight loss but I thought I should at least explain… and it feels good to vent… because not everyone always wants to listen to you blab on and on about your problems. At least here I can unload all these sucky thoughts

To end on a positive note… I didn’t binge on cookies this entire time nor fall into any other bad behaviors and although I haven’t been 100% good these last few weeks I haven’t resorted to self mutilation with cookies. Today I actually had something wonderful happen. My 7yr old (who is a skinny little shrimp) hugged my around my waist… and she locked her wrists behind me. I don’t think she has ever been able to do that before… and it felt gooooood

*Sigh*

So it turns out I’m a little further from my goal than I thought on Monday. My scale is stupid and probably broken and by Tuesday morning it was randomly spewing out numbers. So I reset it and now it’s working better but I still don’t trust it. What ever! I have decided to reset my tracker to what it’s saying now and try not to be obsessed with the numbers. I think I might write to the company and complain seeing as I have had this scale for 3 months now and can’t return it to the store. It really sucks. I bought it because it had a body composition reader but it has never worked consistently either. It’s really hard when your success is measured in 1lb increments and the stupid scale will vary 10lbs either way. Then I feel like a total loser ’cause I was all happy on Monday and like “ooh yay me” and now I realize my scale just sucks. UGH! Feels good to vent.

The good news is that I measured myself after the sale fiasco and I have lost a whole inch in my hips and waist. Don’t get me wrong there is progress. and I know I’m losing and it’s all good but STILL… I like seeing those numbers go down!LOL

Cheers to y’all

and don’t sweat the numbers!

Wow what a weekend! Worked in the garden like mad digging a new bed and pruning some trees. Lots of heavy lifting, dragging and no time to go off plan. We went to the pool on Friday night. Yikes I wore a bathing suit out in public…YUCK!  But the kids had fun and I stayed submerged to the neck LOL. I didn’t get my usual exercise in because we were so busy but since it was all active stuff I guess it evens out. I got on the scale this morning and I’m down another pound from the weekend. I guess walking around Home Depot for 3hrs with my dad counts as exercise

Anyways the whole point is that it puts me only 1 Lb away from my mini goal and that is so exciting for me *yay me!!!* Can’t wait for that day I step on the scale and it reads below 200lbs. It’s been a really long time since that and I know it will be a really great feeling when it happens.

I wish the food tracker would get fixed because I’m really missing it. Have a fun and active day everyone!!!!

I’m planning a trip to Vancouver Island this summer. We were there last year and I just fell in love. We do a lot of extreme camping… or at least I did before kids. Now it’s toned down a little but as the kids grow so do the adventures. Regardless it’s a week in the wilderness with no running water, bathrooms or electricity… still extreme by most people’s standards! This year were taking along my sorta-sister (been best friends since grade school) and her BF.

So they were over the other night and we were going over things for this trip. Now just to give you the background… by girlfriend is a super tall string bean and her BF used to be a soccer goalie…they are fit & beautiful people :)  As were going over the plans my DH decides to show them the pictures from our trip last year. Now I was sure I had gone through and deleted all those unflattering fat pics but BOY OH BOY was I EVER FAT!!!!!! I was aghast! I had posted some of those pictures when we came back and had actually thought I looked ok!!!! Man was I wrong! and why the heck did my husband let me go out in public in a bathing suit! LOL love is truly blind ;). I just wanted to melt into the ground with embarrassment.

Then I had a thought…. I’m not that size anymore and never have to be again and on the pictures from this years trip I’m going to look better! It’s amazing how your perception of yourself can change so much. I must have been in some serious denial about my size to have not realized how big I really was… or maybe that’s why I was so unhappy and there aren’t that many pics of me

This year is going to be different I’m not going to be at my goal weight by then but I should be down another 15lbs, which will put me pretty darn close. If ever I’m lacking in motivation I’ll just look back at those awful pictures and realize how far I have come already!

I feel awful today! My allergies are acting up, I can’t seam to feel refreshed no matter how long I sleep, I’m bloated and hungry but not feeling like eating anything. Ugh.  I don’t know what’s up. I was going to go running last night but changed it for a walk because I felt so ill. I think I’m going to make myself some herbal tea and just chill for the rest of the day… which will be hard as there are 5 children in my house today (4 of which are 5 & under)

I wish I had something less boring to talk about today but I can’t really think of anything :(  I think I’m going to try a quick 3 day cleanse. I always feel better after that. I’m sure this weather isn’t helping at all either. It’s 20 Celsius below seasonal and this morning it was -1!!!! I’m not sure what that is for all of you in Fahrenheit. OK I’m going to go make some tea.